There are certain subjects best avoided in any setting with any kind of an audience. There isn’t a soul who, with all honesty, enjoys or finds these topics even remotely interesting. I certainly restrain a strong urge to strangle the one who yaps on these supremely boring topics:

1) How busy you are these days – If you are a responsible adult living in a civilized world, let me be the one to break the news to you – “Everyone is busy”. There is no need to bring extra attention to the busy-ness of your life. It only makes you sound narcissistic and deeply self-absorbed.

2) Your sleep woes  – How horribly you slept last night is nobody’s business but yours. Listen to yourself the next time you talk about the rough night you had. I guarantee, you will sound mind-numbingly boring to yourself. In fact, the next time you have a rough night, talk to yourself about it – it is the cheapest sleep medication.

3) Your health issues (includes your kids/pets) – This one is a massive boner killer. The endless detailing of your aches and pains OR your kid’s diarrhea OR the kidney stone you had OR that migraine OR the flu OR the trip to the dentist, etc. are all soul-crushing topics for others. People might make sympathetic faces at you, but inside they don’t give a fuck and want to kick you where the sun doesn’t shine.

4) Your diet/food habits : This one is as close as you can get to metaphorically pissing on your audience. Go on – talk about the latest diet you are on, talk about the benefits of being a vegan, or your high protein diet, your gluten allergy, your raw juicing routine. I for one will un-invite you to everything. You deserve to be shunned.

5) Your travel delays: Unless you sat next to Beyonce on a plane or ran into the Pope-mobile with your car, all  other travel issue stories are torturous. What happened on your commute, or how you lost your flight connection, or that backup on the highway which made you invent a very creative way to get to wherever the hell you were going – all of it is quite frankly, deeply boring. You got to where you had to be, and that’s what matters.